That dull rumble you hear is Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan frantically dialing their doctors

I used to think the only people that caught liver disease at age 27 had last names like ‘Anheuser’ and ‘Coors’. Well, according to Rod Stewart, his 27-year-old daughter Kimberly has “liver disease due to too much heavy boozing.” He has to be wrong about this, right? Doesn’t liver disease require at least 20 years of heavy drinking? According to my calculations……lemme see here…..Kimberly is 27 years old……carry the 1……etc, etc,…..Kimberly would have had to start drinking at like 2 years old. The only way that happened is if her parents gave her a wine cooler to settler her nerves before the first day of school. Or maybe if they told her about the legend of the Captain Morgan’s fairy who leaves little girls a special surprise for a lost tooth.

I had my money on Kimberly catching tetanus.